Things you shouldn't do after reading Twilight
by Werepanda07
Summary: This is a list of things me and my friends came up with. Please read cuz it's really weird and funny.


Disclaimer : I don't own Twilight or New Moon that would be Stephenie Meyer. You Know the mom that's married, has brown hair, and wrote America's best selling book in the entire freak'n world.

Note: I know I'm writing Forbbiden Love but this just popped into my head while me and my friends were talking. It's kind of a one shot. Also what does that mean anyway?

**Stuff you shouldn't say, think, or do after reading Twilight or New Moon**:

1. Beg your parents to by the book for you after you already own it.(sorry dad)

2. Read the books five thousand times in the same day late on a school night.

3. Duct tape anybody who hasn't read the book to chair and slap some sense into them.

4. Fantasize about locking Edward, Jasper, Emmett, Carlisle, and Jacob in a room until they took off their shirts for you......

5. ........and then letting you "test" out who has the best bod.

6. Ask why there are more male members in the Cullen house than there are females.

7. If Edward was looking at Alice's mind while she gave Bella a bath.

8. If Alice enjoyed giving Bella a bath.

9. Ask why Billy was in a wheelchair after spending so much time with Charlie on "fishing trips".

10. Why Edward has a couch in the middle of his room.

11. Why Edward was "growling" at Bella......

12. .......and James.

13. If Bella really loves Edward or if she just loves him for being a vampire.

14. How Edward could be so sure if Bella doesn't fantasize about his other brothers....

15. ........or Father......

16........or Jacob

17. Tell everyone to call you Mrs. Edward Anthony Mason Cullen

18. Start a petition on why Stephenie Meyer should "Kill Bella" for taking your chance away on marring Edward.

19. Yell out "I love Vampires" over the P.A. system.........

20. ......then say "I shall destroy all of humanity with my vampire army"

21. Spread a rumor that Roselie actually gets "vacuumed" to lose weight

22. Say you saw Jasper on the pole last night.

23 play strip poker with Edward.

24. Ask Emmett for a lap dance.

25. Ask Jasper boxers or briefs

26. Key Bella's truck

27. Turn Alice emo.

28. Burn all of Edward, Jasper, Emmett, and Carlisle's clothes and leave nothing but speedos.

29. Wonder what Roselie would look like with out make up......

30. .......then again maybe not.

31. Wonder how Edward knows where Jasper & Emmett's bedroom and Carlisle's office are at.

32. Ask when Edward got so fruity.

33. Kidnap and impersonate Bella.

34. Get Edward buzzed in Vegas........

35. ......and then "convince" him to marry you.

36. Say that Roselie's hair is actually a wig she stole from Emmett.

37. Wonder if the Volturri wear clothes under their robes.

38. Ask them if they ever considered wearing togas.

39. Throw a toga party with the Volturri.

40. Ask Edward what he was actually thinking when he was lying in bed with Bella.

41. Say that Pogue from the Covenant's motorcycle is better than Jacob's.

42. Ask Jacob if you can ride on _his_ motorcycle.

43. Wonder why Edward was riding in Emmett's car.

44. Ask what Alice and Jasper were REALLY doing at the hotel.

45. Wonder what happened to the portia that Alice was driving.

46. Say that Edward was checking out the girl in the mini skirt.

47. Ask Jacob who let the dogs out.

48. What the REAL reason Jasper, Emmett, and Edward's hair were wet.

49. Wonder what video Mr. Banner was watching.

50. Ask why Edward was looking at guys play basketball.

51. Wonder if Edward has seen Bella change when she didn't know he was watching.

52. What was the real reason Bella went into Jacob's room.

53. Come up with names for theme park rides using any of the Cullens' names.

54. Say you've ridden "Edward the Ride" many, many times.

55. Say that the real reason those guys were going to attack Bella was because you hired them to.

56. Yell "take it off" when Edward's shirt is open.

57. Ask Edward if he takes checks cuz you're all out of dollars.

58. Say that Mike Newton is jealous of Bella because she has Edward.

59. Whisper that Lauren has fake hair and that she should admit it.

60. Wonder what book Carlisle was actually reading.

61. Yell "Aha I knew it!" when you see that Lauren has a shaved head.

62. Say that Carlisle enjoys the hospital because of all the beds.

63. Wonder why the pack were jumping off cliffs in speedos

64. Wonder what Bella and Jacob did in Jacob's private garage.

65. Think about why Sam REALLY took off his clothes to chase Jacob and Paul.

66. Ask Emily if Sam was "rough or gentle"

67. Say that the real reason that Victoria had leaves in her hair was because her and James were doing more than running.

68. Booty call Mike, Tyler, and Eric and say it was from Bella.

69. Tell Edward that Bella's cheating on him with Mike.

70. Say that Charlie uses his handcuffs for more than just work.

71. Wonder what vision Jane sent Edward.

72. Ask Carlisle what he and the Volturri did for "fun"

73. Think about what the term "natural taste" really means

74. Wonder what Bella and Esme did when they were changing in the dark

75. Say that Bella wasn't originally a girl.

76. Wonder what Edward really intended to do when he pounced on Bella

77. Spread a rumor that Edward's the pimp and Jasper's his bitch.

78. Tell Mike that Bella secretly fantasizes about him.

79. Tell Alice that jumping up and down won't make her 5in. taller.

80. Tell Roselie that Esme knows about the videos she made

81. Forcing Lauren to eat a double cheese burger with extra mustard from McDonald's

82. Tell Roselie that she was originally born in Idaho.

83. Taping, duct taping, gluing, and stapling Jessica's mouth shut.

84. Wondering how far Bella and Edward went on prom night.

85. Bitch slapping Lauren.

86. The real reason James wants to kill Bella is cause he wants Edward all to himself

87. Ask Jasper if he has a gun from the civil war.........

88. ...then use it to murder Bella

89. Ask Emmett if he has ever tried on any of Roselie's clothing

90. Replace Bella's real stereo system with a ticking bomb

91. Tell Edward that he has fangirls

92. Say that Jasper has more bitches than Edward

93. Bring them both up to date by saying that Emmett has more fangirls than both of them.

94. Dig the knife even deeper by saying that Carlisle has more fangirls than all three of them combined.

95. Break down hearts by admitting that Eric had more fangirls.

96 .And finally tell the truth and say that Bella has the most fangirls

97. Wonder what happened to Carlisle's mercedes

98. Wonder what else Bella bought at Victoria's Secret

99. Ask Victoria what really IS her secret

100. Finally start a use less list on stuff you shouldn't do, say, or thinking about after reading Twilight or New Moon.

_Author's note:_ Well that's the list and don't worry I'm still writing Forbidden Love I just had to post this cuz I thought it was sort of funny. If you are offended in any way well then I'm totally sorry and no I'm not sick and twisted. (Much)


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